I’m having one of those days that is harder to swallow.
I think brains are mean the way they add insult to injury. Today wasn’t terrible, but I’ve felt down and frustrated. So tonight isn’t the time that I want to fall asleep thinking about last winter.
When Brent and I were starting out, I was a compulsive liar. Boys didn’t stick around long in my life, so I had no problem lying to them. But when the thing between Brent and I grew into something very real, I had to eat my words. And it did some damage for awhile. Around October of last year Brent decided if he couldn’t start trusting me soon, he’d call it before he flew home for Christmas.
That sound very dramatic, but hopefully this makes things lighter: last winter is when Brent and I grew so close I didn’t know where he stopped and I began some days. We spent Thanksgiving together with my family laughing harder than I can ever remember laughing. We spent Black Friday riding the max around downtown Portland and shopping for outdoor gear. We spent my birthday with my family and two best friends, watching the Hobbit and eating out and playing board games until late in the night (and I got to watch Brent light up at how hilarious Brittany can be). After Brent got done visiting his family, I spent winter break house sitting for my boss aka living with Brent in style with the families’ dog.
And so not be whiney, but it’s hard to go through this winter without him because it pales compared to last winter. I still have glorious moments with my friends and family, but I want him there for every good moment. My birthday is Monday, and it sucks knowing that it will be spent at work instead of alongside my favorite people. And that always includes Brent. I want him here for the joys.
I made a rule for myself a long time ago that if I happen to indulge in the bad, I’ve got to indulge in some good as well, so here is what I am excited for:
I am excited to give my nanny kids their Christmas gifts. I am excited to have 10 days at home. I am excited I’ll have a lot of time to hang out with Brittany and Audrey. I’m excited to go to the Blazer game with three of the best people on Earth. I am excited to hang out with friends. I am excited to workout constantly.
I am happy to be me. But happy people need love to, and seeing Brent is at least a month off.
So I guess I should just focus on getting ripped. Brent once told me he couldn’t see me ever sticking to a diet and workout regime (I had just had a 4 month long stint as an athlete before we started dating, but around him I was pretty couch potatoey) so I would absolutely love to continue this new trend of having a lower body fat percentage every time I see him. It’s the biggest “HA you were so wrong” I have in my arsenal.